Blessed with a Second Chance

So I have been sitting here staring at a blank computer screen for about a half an hour. I have a millions things I want to say on here. But I lack the words to express it. So maybe if I start to type it might just come out the way I want it to. So here goes...............

For the last five years around April, I am reminded that the anniversary of my grandmother's death is coming up. I think about her life and the last few times I spent with her at the end. I was not there with her when she took her last breath and transcended into her eternal life. But I was there for her in the hospital. I remember she had been sick with a blood infection and I dont remember if she had a stroke or what but she had slipped into a coma. She wasnt very responsive and her kidneys had started to fail. And when I went to go see her I didnt want to leave. My mother and aunt told me, Sarah she is in a coma but you dont have to stay ( I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest daughter Elizabeth) she is here with good doctors and nurses. Gramma will be fine. But I had a strong voice inside telling me to stay. I said No, I am gonna stay. I need to be here. So later that night when everyone was gone, I stood next to her bed and I held her hand and caressed her hair and I started to pray out loud. I prayed the way she taught me and Em to pray. I prayed that god would take care of her and ease her pain. I prayed that I would have just one more chance to be able to hear my grandmother's voice. After I prayed, I began to talk to her. I told her how much I loved her. I pretty much said my goodbye. I thanked her for all that she had taught me. I began to cry and I just held her hand. Then as I sit there crying I felt a twitch. When I looked up I saw my gramma staring back at me with this paniced, scared and confused look in her eyes. She couldn't move and she couldn't speak. And she began to cry. I wiped my tears and ran for the nurse. I told her I need help! I think my grandmother is coming out of her coma! So the nurse ran in and checked her. The nurse says to me oh thats normal for coma victims to open their eyes. And I said what about the tears? Is it normal for a coma victim to look scared and start to cry? I was angry at that snooty nurse for talking to me like I was dumb. And she answers no. Then the nurse gave gramma something through her IV to help her "relax". Once that nurse was gone, I went to my gramma's side, I held her hand and told her that she was in the hospital. I explained that she was in a coma. That everything was going to be ok. I'm here with you gramma, your safe. Once she was alseep again I sat in the chair next to her and prayed again. This time to myself and thanked god for bringing her back one more time. (maybe it was a coincidence but I believe we had some heavenly help on that one) The next day I had to leave early. I was gone by 5am. And about an hour or two later, Cathy (I believe it was Cathy) walked into gramma's room and all of a sudden Cathy hears "Oh hi Cathy". And to much of our amazement gramma had come out of her coma. And was talking like nothing had ever happened.

So for about a week or so after that, our family and I had been in and out everyday visiting with her..And one day in particular, I went to see gramma and I had gotten there first. we were talking. She was just saying a lot of random things from past conversations with other people. And then she would say something to me. And all of a sudden she would be quiet and then she would start to whisper. So I would get closer to her to hear what she was saying. Until I realized she was saying "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." She started off as just a whisper and would get louder and louded with every repetion. After a few minutes of Hail Marys, she got quiet again and said an Our Father. ( She had done this on a few different days while I was there) But later on that day, Cathy and Ronnie has shown up. And after a while they had gone to go get some coffee. So it was just me and gramma in the room again. She just kept staring at me with a smile on her face. I asked her do you need something gramma? She just kept looking at me and then she said "Sarah, your glowing." I said oh yeah gramma. The baby makes me glow (they say all pregnant women glow) Gramma says "no Sarah, your glowing this beautiful gold color. Its all around you. Its like this golden light."I just smiled at her I didnt know what to say. Then she called me to her bedside and put her hand on my big pregnant belly and looked me in the eye and said "I'm sorry Sarah" "For what gramma?" "I won't be here to see your baby." I fought back tears as I said "gramma sure you will" and gramma told me "No I won't. But I know she will be beautiful." (I never knew the sex of my baby until she was born) "You will be a good mother and I love you."

Later on that night, I really started to think back. About gramma and some of the conversations we had. Now I'm not sure about everyone else but, gramma had a way of being able to read a person. She could really get a feel of what they were really thinking or feeling. At least with me she could. As I got older we would talk about dreams that we had had. I would tell her about things and she would tell me what she thought about them. Gramma was a very special woman. She had great intuition. You know everytime I went to see her in the hospital, she always had this calmness about her. She always had a smile on her face. She cared deeply for us all. But she had been ready. She was the last one of her generation. She had lost so many people over time that she loved. Gramma had lived a long life. She got to know many grandchildren and great grandchildren. She knew that we all would be ok without her. She left everyone taken care of. She was ready to be reunited with so many people she had lost. She was ready for the eternal life of peace and happiness. Gramma had a great faith in god and all of us. Like I mentioned earlier, I was not there for her last breath. I was kinda upset because I wanted to be there for her until the VERY end. And when gramma did pass I had a very hard time with it. But after a year or so, I realized that I wasnt ment to be there. I prayed to god for a second chance to talk with her. So we could all talk to her again. And we were lucky enough to get that. She was at home comfortable with some of her children when she passed away, peacefully.

I had never told anyone what happened that night when I stayed with gramma. Many people, well most people don't like to talk about death and when loved ones pass away but I felt this story needed to be told. I feel that gramma had lived a long life with many blessings. And she also was blessed enough to be surrounded by everyone who loved her and she was able to let go peacefully. I still feel gramma around me everyday. I talk to her all the time. I'm even lucky enough to have the occational dream where me and gramma are sitting in her house talking.. And these dreams have occured during big changes in my life. Maybe I have been blessed by inheireting that special quality that gramma had. Because I have a knack for reading people. Especially the ones I love.

Now I'm not exactly sure how to end this....So I am going to just leave it open. Open to your thoughts and comments... Feel free to write what ever comes to you heart.

With Love,
--Sarah